"Melodramatic" is not like me at all, and I can't pull it off in person, but it just screams in neon lights whenever I write something. I can't help it.
Anyway, my last post displeased my sister, so I took it down for this reason. The condensed version of it is that my dad got laid off. I avoided telling any of my friends for a week and as a result I had to vent here and coat it in ridiculous amounts of melodrama. It wasn't really that bad, I was upset when he told us, but I laughed the whole time (nervous habit). I am afraid of what it means, exactly, but my reactions to that vary as much as the differences between an ostrich and a cactus. Sometimes I get extremely worried and think everything is going downhill and OH MY GOD A REPEAT OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION! And other times I just think it's probably better this way and that my dad's much happier.
Now, back to something much less interesting: I have finals starting tomorrow. I haven't studied at all.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
But the next time around, they will laugh
I fell down the stairs in a rather embarrassing place and manner on Wednesday and, while my humiliation has recovered, my ankle has not. It was rush hour in the halls and on the stairs on that morning, and I took the stairs I usually take every morning to get downstairs. It was extremely crowded, and as I was half-way down the second flight of stairs, my ankle slipped. I fell into the crowd of people and my books flew everywhere (along with my binder and the papers in it). I sprained my ankle and limped to P.E. as someone handed me my lunchbox and I tried to respond to all of the thriving-on-dramatic voices of "are you okay!?"
I stifled a laugh at a girl's prayer today, too--a prayer that she wrote. It was a cruel thing to do, but I did not do it out of malice. There were two words in one sentence that I'd never heard together before: "fragrance" and "Jesus." I made an odd little squeaky noise that was quite obviously a stifled laugh, and earned the glares of everyone in the room. I won't ever have friends in Catholicism or history again.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Follies of Today and Fops of Yesterday
Hmm well... not much to say for today. Let's start with yesterday, then.
Yesterday:
The day was fairly uninteresting until I got to Catholicism. I think you can pretty well guess by now what this little part of my rant is going to be about. I should probably give the ridiculously talkative girl next to me a pseudo-name, it will get too complicated if I don't, so: Olga. Anyway, Olga was complaining to me again about things that she somehow expected me to know about (which I did know about, embarrassingly enough, but no way was I going to let on to that) like lineart and some teenybopper art site that occasionally has some cool stuff (my definition, not hers. The site's Deviantart, by the way). She was saying something along the lines of "and you know, if you post lineart, you're just asking for someone to color it" which basically translates to (in words understandable to the general public): "and you know, if you post some uncolored art on an art site with a copyright, then you are just asking for someone to color it in Photoshop in about five minutes and put it up--colored--on the same site, claiming it as your own. You know, because it's perfectly natural to steal copyrighted stuff."
And if that wasn't enough, she proceeded to tell me some "assholes" were getting mad at her for it. Oh, the nerve! Getting mad at someone for breaking the law! In any case... that was bad enough, but then she went on to say something very thoughtless and extremely unnerving.
She said "I wanted to kill myself for the second time in my life."
"Excuse me?" I thought, "over people you don't even know getting mad at you?" I was outraged. After all that's happened at my school, I find it completely inexcusable when people take that lightly. You wanted to kill yourself, Olga? If you had wanted--really wanted--to do such a thing, you would have. If you can stick around to say that sort of thing, then you clearly didn't mean it.
And on that note, that same day (or perhaps the day before... all the days are getting muddled together now) some stupid girl in my English class was repeatedly suggesting in a "joking" manner that perhaps our English teacher was late because he had died. You don't joke about that. I don't care what the circumstances are, that's not funny at all.
Onto something more interesting that I will take less time with: my dad and I went on a walk to the nearby university that night and I kicked over some mushrooms. We found a woman's cell phone in the parking lot and returned it to her, which also took a while.
Today:
Today we had a late start at school (meaning, school starts later than usual) and my mom and I went out for breakfast. School was fairly boring, but I made a fool of myself again in Spanish (oh and Sidney, your sister's in my Spanish class). The teacher already thinks I am incredibly stupid but today made it so much worse. She was showing pictures from a school trip to Peru sponsored by the Spanish department or something and as we were leaving she had fliers on her desk and said "take a flier if you're interested!" I was interested, very much so, except I didn't think my parents would let me go. So as I was thinking all of that, I passed by her desk and kind of slowed down and almost stopped, smiling a really weird smile at her, and I kind of opened my mouth a little and shut it quickly and left. It was really awkward...
I just got back from yoga, which was all right. Tomorrow we get out from school early because we have mass and the freshman get their Bibles. I remember when I was a freshman and got my Bible. The French teacher grabbed my arm roughly on the way down to the stage and whispered in my ear very loudly "your skirt is too short!" That was a horrible, horrible way to start things. So Nat, if you're reading this, make sure it doesn't happen to you!
Yesterday:
The day was fairly uninteresting until I got to Catholicism. I think you can pretty well guess by now what this little part of my rant is going to be about. I should probably give the ridiculously talkative girl next to me a pseudo-name, it will get too complicated if I don't, so: Olga. Anyway, Olga was complaining to me again about things that she somehow expected me to know about (which I did know about, embarrassingly enough, but no way was I going to let on to that) like lineart and some teenybopper art site that occasionally has some cool stuff (my definition, not hers. The site's Deviantart, by the way). She was saying something along the lines of "and you know, if you post lineart, you're just asking for someone to color it" which basically translates to (in words understandable to the general public): "and you know, if you post some uncolored art on an art site with a copyright, then you are just asking for someone to color it in Photoshop in about five minutes and put it up--colored--on the same site, claiming it as your own. You know, because it's perfectly natural to steal copyrighted stuff."
And if that wasn't enough, she proceeded to tell me some "assholes" were getting mad at her for it. Oh, the nerve! Getting mad at someone for breaking the law! In any case... that was bad enough, but then she went on to say something very thoughtless and extremely unnerving.
She said "I wanted to kill myself for the second time in my life."
"Excuse me?" I thought, "over people you don't even know getting mad at you?" I was outraged. After all that's happened at my school, I find it completely inexcusable when people take that lightly. You wanted to kill yourself, Olga? If you had wanted--really wanted--to do such a thing, you would have. If you can stick around to say that sort of thing, then you clearly didn't mean it.
And on that note, that same day (or perhaps the day before... all the days are getting muddled together now) some stupid girl in my English class was repeatedly suggesting in a "joking" manner that perhaps our English teacher was late because he had died. You don't joke about that. I don't care what the circumstances are, that's not funny at all.
Onto something more interesting that I will take less time with: my dad and I went on a walk to the nearby university that night and I kicked over some mushrooms. We found a woman's cell phone in the parking lot and returned it to her, which also took a while.
Today:
Today we had a late start at school (meaning, school starts later than usual) and my mom and I went out for breakfast. School was fairly boring, but I made a fool of myself again in Spanish (oh and Sidney, your sister's in my Spanish class). The teacher already thinks I am incredibly stupid but today made it so much worse. She was showing pictures from a school trip to Peru sponsored by the Spanish department or something and as we were leaving she had fliers on her desk and said "take a flier if you're interested!" I was interested, very much so, except I didn't think my parents would let me go. So as I was thinking all of that, I passed by her desk and kind of slowed down and almost stopped, smiling a really weird smile at her, and I kind of opened my mouth a little and shut it quickly and left. It was really awkward...
I just got back from yoga, which was all right. Tomorrow we get out from school early because we have mass and the freshman get their Bibles. I remember when I was a freshman and got my Bible. The French teacher grabbed my arm roughly on the way down to the stage and whispered in my ear very loudly "your skirt is too short!" That was a horrible, horrible way to start things. So Nat, if you're reading this, make sure it doesn't happen to you!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Beginning of Sophomore Year
Just recently got back from school--first day of sophomore year, that is. The halls all seemed far more crowded then last year, and the school feels quite different, as though a thick layer of whiteout has been applied and a sleek, unfamiliar pen has written strange words over it all.
But enough attempts at waxing poetics, let us carry to on the more important part, classes:
1. World History: nothing happened here. My World History teacher is the one that gave the AP World History entrance exam, in which I didn't bother to take the second half of. I wonder if she remembers.
2. Spanish 3: the teacher talks almost solely in Spanish. I don't mind, but my classmates seemed troubled. Save for three or four students, everyone in the class is a junior--it's a little intimidating.
3. Algebra 2: same thing with the juniors overpopulating the class, only in this class there are only two sophomores (including myself). We have a Taiwanese teacher, and one of the juniors kept asking rude questions and lumping Taiwan in with China and Japan.
4. Honors English 2: I like the teacher for this class, I wanted him my freshman year but he only taught regular English. The only thing I don't like about him is that his classroom religious practices are slightly overwhelming. It isn't extreme, but it's quite more than I'm used to. Perhaps it was just so for today, though. We talked a little about Dorian Gray--we wouldn't have, but someone asked a question about it ("Are the main characters homosexual?"). Well, my answer is that they're certainly not straight. I was terribly disappointed that the teacher failed to mention English romantic friendships (of which I just learned of recently, upon seeing Brideshead Revisited). I think that really covers their attractions to each other, that term. "Man crushes" would have also been an apt term, but I understand it would most likely be a little crude a term for a teacher to use.
5. Lunch: I saw Nat at lunch. Lunch wasn't really exciting though, since I did not have anything to eat. I tried to eat a brownie but I couldn't, and it just got stuck in my braces. I worry that when I finally am able to eat without pain, I won't want to anyway because I'll feel so disgusting getting food stuck everywhere.
6. Honors Chemistry 1: This was a rather unpleasant class. Instead of getting a table and chair like everyone else, I had to sit alone at a lab table in the back on a stool. I really hope my seating arrangement will change, sometime. It's quite uncomfortable.
7. Catholicism: The only "exciting" (if you will) part of this class was the girl next to me. And by "exciting" I mean very talkative and rather self-absorbed... You know those people who try to strike a conversation with you and all they can talk about is themselves? I do appreciate when people at least try to ask about you, and at least attempt to feign interest. It isn't something I enjoy, but it's certainly appreciated in contrast to listening to someone talk very animatedly about themself for long periods of time.
But enough attempts at waxing poetics, let us carry to on the more important part, classes:
1. World History: nothing happened here. My World History teacher is the one that gave the AP World History entrance exam, in which I didn't bother to take the second half of. I wonder if she remembers.
2. Spanish 3: the teacher talks almost solely in Spanish. I don't mind, but my classmates seemed troubled. Save for three or four students, everyone in the class is a junior--it's a little intimidating.
3. Algebra 2: same thing with the juniors overpopulating the class, only in this class there are only two sophomores (including myself). We have a Taiwanese teacher, and one of the juniors kept asking rude questions and lumping Taiwan in with China and Japan.
4. Honors English 2: I like the teacher for this class, I wanted him my freshman year but he only taught regular English. The only thing I don't like about him is that his classroom religious practices are slightly overwhelming. It isn't extreme, but it's quite more than I'm used to. Perhaps it was just so for today, though. We talked a little about Dorian Gray--we wouldn't have, but someone asked a question about it ("Are the main characters homosexual?"). Well, my answer is that they're certainly not straight. I was terribly disappointed that the teacher failed to mention English romantic friendships (of which I just learned of recently, upon seeing Brideshead Revisited). I think that really covers their attractions to each other, that term. "Man crushes" would have also been an apt term, but I understand it would most likely be a little crude a term for a teacher to use.
5. Lunch: I saw Nat at lunch. Lunch wasn't really exciting though, since I did not have anything to eat. I tried to eat a brownie but I couldn't, and it just got stuck in my braces. I worry that when I finally am able to eat without pain, I won't want to anyway because I'll feel so disgusting getting food stuck everywhere.
6. Honors Chemistry 1: This was a rather unpleasant class. Instead of getting a table and chair like everyone else, I had to sit alone at a lab table in the back on a stool. I really hope my seating arrangement will change, sometime. It's quite uncomfortable.
7. Catholicism: The only "exciting" (if you will) part of this class was the girl next to me. And by "exciting" I mean very talkative and rather self-absorbed... You know those people who try to strike a conversation with you and all they can talk about is themselves? I do appreciate when people at least try to ask about you, and at least attempt to feign interest. It isn't something I enjoy, but it's certainly appreciated in contrast to listening to someone talk very animatedly about themself for long periods of time.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Just got back from a concert
Hullo, just got back from my first concert ever! I went to a The Hush Sound concert with two of my friends--Charlotte and Katrina--and it was quite fabulous. Someone kept touching my butt (by accident, I'm sure...) at the end, but it all went very well otherwise. The first few bands that played weren't that great, but The Hush Sound was amazing. I got a shirt and got Bob and Chris to sign it (Chris looks like that honors English teacher that is the husband of my old school librarian). God, I sound like such a groupie. I love The Hush Sound but in all honesty I'm not that obsessed with them (really, I swear!). Now, The Dresden Dolls and Franz Ferdinand on the other hand.... haha, just kidding (sort of).
The only bad thing was that before the concert Katrina and Charlotte were talking about some sleepover thing/party/whatever at Charlotte's house and Katrina asked if I was going--to which, of course, I replied "no" because I hadn't been invited. Apparently a friend of theirs in which whom I am not friends with (simply because I don't know her, though she doesn't seem to like me much anyway) sent the invites on Facebook. Charlotte then sort of invited me, but didn't give any details about it whatsoever. Then when I left her house, she said "see you at Jazz's house!" --which is the day after that thing she sort of invited me to--so, guess I'm not really invited then. I probably wasn't really going to go anyway for numerous reasons (like that I don't know a lot of people going very well and they don't seem to like me much to name one and also because even before I was vaguely uninvited I wasn't really invited anyway). So, I guess I shouldn't really feel bad, but it's kind of awkward...
On the subject of "awkward," I got my concert ticket signed "to Katy, GK" or something by the lead female singer of the band. I know Katy loves the band--she was the one who introduced me to it after all--but we're not on fabulous terms right now. She's very mad at me for failing to make a sincere effort to see her in quite a while. I am hoping to resolve that, though it won't be easy and I know she'll still feel bitter about it. I won't go into any of that though, it's all very complicated. The point here is that I have this dreadful feeling she'll be mad at me when I give her the ticket I got signed for her. Mad that she didn't go, that she didn't know about it, that I didn't invite her... who knows, but I know she'll be mad. And that makes me mad too, because she did not mention anything about The Dresden Dolls concert (I LOVE THEM as I have mentioned before) until like the night before and she didn't bring anything back from there for me either--so I really don't think her anger would be justified... but she will be angry, I'm sure. That's all right though, because I'm ready for it. I think.
On another completely irrelevant note: I've been getting cold a ton recently. I used to never get cold but now, just sitting, I'll get so cold I begin to shake and my teeth start to clatter. It's a little worrisome, but I don't know quite what's wrong with me. Sometimes it goes away after a little while if I do nothing and sometimes it stays until I take action (i.e. hot bath, sweatshirt, jump under the covers...). I've no idea what it is.
The only bad thing was that before the concert Katrina and Charlotte were talking about some sleepover thing/party/whatever at Charlotte's house and Katrina asked if I was going--to which, of course, I replied "no" because I hadn't been invited. Apparently a friend of theirs in which whom I am not friends with (simply because I don't know her, though she doesn't seem to like me much anyway) sent the invites on Facebook. Charlotte then sort of invited me, but didn't give any details about it whatsoever. Then when I left her house, she said "see you at Jazz's house!" --which is the day after that thing she sort of invited me to--so, guess I'm not really invited then. I probably wasn't really going to go anyway for numerous reasons (like that I don't know a lot of people going very well and they don't seem to like me much to name one and also because even before I was vaguely uninvited I wasn't really invited anyway). So, I guess I shouldn't really feel bad, but it's kind of awkward...
On the subject of "awkward," I got my concert ticket signed "to Katy, GK" or something by the lead female singer of the band. I know Katy loves the band--she was the one who introduced me to it after all--but we're not on fabulous terms right now. She's very mad at me for failing to make a sincere effort to see her in quite a while. I am hoping to resolve that, though it won't be easy and I know she'll still feel bitter about it. I won't go into any of that though, it's all very complicated. The point here is that I have this dreadful feeling she'll be mad at me when I give her the ticket I got signed for her. Mad that she didn't go, that she didn't know about it, that I didn't invite her... who knows, but I know she'll be mad. And that makes me mad too, because she did not mention anything about The Dresden Dolls concert (I LOVE THEM as I have mentioned before) until like the night before and she didn't bring anything back from there for me either--so I really don't think her anger would be justified... but she will be angry, I'm sure. That's all right though, because I'm ready for it. I think.
On another completely irrelevant note: I've been getting cold a ton recently. I used to never get cold but now, just sitting, I'll get so cold I begin to shake and my teeth start to clatter. It's a little worrisome, but I don't know quite what's wrong with me. Sometimes it goes away after a little while if I do nothing and sometimes it stays until I take action (i.e. hot bath, sweatshirt, jump under the covers...). I've no idea what it is.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Almost cut my hair, it happened just the other day
Almost cut my hair
It happened just the other day
It's gettin' kinda long
I could have said it was in my way
But I didn't and I wonder why
I feel like letting my freak flag fly
Cause I feel like I owe it to someone
Must be because I had the flu for Christmas
And I'm not feeling up to par
It increases my paranoia
Like looking in my (rear-view) mirror and seeing a police car
But I'm not giving in an inch to fear
Cause I promised myself this year
I feel like I owe it to someone
When I finally get myself together
I'm going to get down in that sunny southern weather
And I find a place inside a laugh
Separate the wheat from the chaff
I feel like I owe it to someone
--Almost Cut My Hair by David Crosby (I love this song!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I finally got a haircut today (due to much grief on my mom's part that I was turning into a hippie with my long raggedy hair). I'm still not sure what I think of it exactly. It's a little too short and it's slightly different sizes in the front and back (I mean, I got layers so that's how it's supposed to be but... it still looks a little funny).
Nothing else is really going on today. We're doing yoga again later, but I'm not very excited about it to be honest. I also finished a video game I'd been playing for a few days. It was supposed to last 30-50 hours but I think I finished it much sooner. Not sure whether that's a good thing though, since now the only good game I have yet to play is on the PS2 and I prefer playing games on my laptop.
It happened just the other day
It's gettin' kinda long
I could have said it was in my way
But I didn't and I wonder why
I feel like letting my freak flag fly
Cause I feel like I owe it to someone
Must be because I had the flu for Christmas
And I'm not feeling up to par
It increases my paranoia
Like looking in my (rear-view) mirror and seeing a police car
But I'm not giving in an inch to fear
Cause I promised myself this year
I feel like I owe it to someone
When I finally get myself together
I'm going to get down in that sunny southern weather
And I find a place inside a laugh
Separate the wheat from the chaff
I feel like I owe it to someone
--Almost Cut My Hair by David Crosby (I love this song!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I finally got a haircut today (due to much grief on my mom's part that I was turning into a hippie with my long raggedy hair). I'm still not sure what I think of it exactly. It's a little too short and it's slightly different sizes in the front and back (I mean, I got layers so that's how it's supposed to be but... it still looks a little funny).
Nothing else is really going on today. We're doing yoga again later, but I'm not very excited about it to be honest. I also finished a video game I'd been playing for a few days. It was supposed to last 30-50 hours but I think I finished it much sooner. Not sure whether that's a good thing though, since now the only good game I have yet to play is on the PS2 and I prefer playing games on my laptop.
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